Big Mama's Music

It seemed necessary to buy a new iPod the other day. An iPod classic. Is there anything wrong with my Nano? No. Except that I bought it as a graduation gift for myself three years ago, and it doesn't stay charged like it used to, often shutting down on my drive home from work. Lemme tell ya, it's a horrible commute to make in silence. But that's not the real reason I wanted to upgrade. No, the real reason is waaaaay more embarrassing…


It was a bitch to uncheck the vast majority of my music when I was limited to a 16gb Nano - such a first world problem, right? I'd buy an album and have to scroll through my entire library, unchecking old songs to make room for the new.
     Of course I'd find myself at work when a certain song would remind me of another; I'd spin my little wheel to find it, but it's not there. The remainder of the day would be spent arguing with myself "Maybe you don't even have that song." "I DO! I remember buying the CD single in 8th grade." "You probably tossed it before iTunes even existed." Clearly, a bigger iPod was crucial to my mental health.

I'm not the type of person to upgrade just because something new comes along. (See: my six-year-old Nikon dSLR, my four-year-old point and shoot camera, my three year old iMac, my two-year-old non-smart phone, my nine-year-old car, my ten-year-old t-shirt, etc.) I've spent many sleepless nights beating myself up, wondering "Why didn't I buy the biggest iPod in the first place?"

I think it was because I wanted something small, cute, and purple. Which is what I got.

I'm not the type of person to fawn over new electronics when I get them, either. (See: not being obsessive over my new macbook, carelessly scraping paint off of my new point and shoot camera, accidentally dropping my new phone until it looks decades old.) But yesterday at work, my first full day with my new iPod, I was like a proud mother. I kept the device in my lap instead of on my desk. I swabbed it clean more times in two hours than I've done my glasses in the years I've worn them. I'm going through my CD cabinet, importing every disc to fill up Big Mama.



Oh, did I not introduce you? This is Big Mama.

Yes, it's true my named objects are usually boys (most well-known being my car, Adam "Toyota" Corolla), and, if I can swing it, they're named after mass murderers (my previous iPod, PaulPod - say it quickly). But as I opened the box containing my new treasure, I whispered "Come on, Big Mama." It made me laugh, and then it stuck.

As for the iPod's "tattoo": I debated getting the same quote as above etched on my new iPod, since it's one of my favorite scenes from my favorite Simpsons episode. Then I thought of how lame it would be to keep getting the same quote on things, regardless of how fitting it is and how much it makes me smile. So I bravely branched out:

(an incredibly appropriate and backhandedly witty line from a Butch Walker song)